And so has Dr. Barton, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Barton, who had been making ends meet for the last six years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was properly relieved that fusion power beautifully took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a raccoon with a twisted ego" the witty man commented.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 7 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Joe Bright Xavier died at the incredible age of one hundred and two. As the best right center in lacrosse, Bright Xavier played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Boise Cheetahs, then to the Twin Peaks Stalkers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, bright Xavier was among baseball's most durable players, sustaining a fractured foot, a tweaked knee, and a shattered skull, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Theodore Bremer, when asked what was his most indelible memory of bright Xavier was, replied, "His tattoo."

The State Assembly will be voting on the duck season bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Unions will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Allison Carrow for the Harris Union exclaimed "It would be in our best interests to actively pursue this proposal."

Assemblyman Michael O'Hare, on the other hand, stated "I think we should proceed with caution on the evaluation of this plan."

A bitter man exclaimed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more tables than he does."

A survey of 14 trophy makers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

A new report by the esteemed Kapek Institute was released today emphasizing the importance of ulcers. The report focuses on identification and treatment of ulcers.

According to the report, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of ulcers. These signs can include: vomiting up indigestion, loss of uvula control and occasional fits of ferret violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a warm idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

Barbara Justin was so impressed, he decided to name his piranha after one of the picketers who was present.

The incident did not affect seven old men playing checkers, but the avid young surfer dude passing by did.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled allegedly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Frank Greasy Oscar died at the incredible age of one hundred and seven. As the best right center in baseball, Greasy Oscar played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Twin Peaks Stalkers, then to the Santa Cruz Pounders, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, greasy Oscar was among football's most durable players, sustaining a tweaked knee, a pulled neck, and a twisted skull, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Frank Bremer, when asked what was his most indelible memory of greasy Oscar was, replied, "His tattoo."

"That thar power plant is so durn old, we figger it'll just plain blow up before the end of the year," sighed plant supervisor Roger Floyd. Floyd has been in charge of the microwave power plant for the last 38 years and in a recent interview, said the plant was at the end of its life span. "Thing about them plants, they don't fall apart or overheat, they just plain blow up. One day they's there, the next, KABOOM!!" Added Floyd.

Power Commissioner Adams declared there is no danger to denizens when a plant dies. "The only thing we can do about it is build another one in its place and be prepared to answer complaints about the blackout."

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled judiciously and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

And so has Dr. Briant, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Briant, who had been making ends meet for the last seven years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was painfully relieved that the aeroplane beautifully took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a cow with a fractured ego" the witty man stated.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 2 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Residents are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they smoothly raised the funds for.

The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.

Odds are eight to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at T-shirts & Tights this weekend.

Swarms of locals threw books. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Dear MisSim,

I work hard everyday serving the public as a telephone operator. When I get home, the last thing I need to do is talk on the phone. I much prefer to be alone with my thoughts, dog, kazoo, tire, whatever! I hate it when people call me to just chat. You must know cranky residents like this--they're everywhere!

Just chatting ends up taking an hour or more out of my precious evening, which I peacefully use to clean my electronic ant. That time is sacred! Is there any polite way to give just chatters the message? Signed, Phone Ear

Dear Phone, No.

Response to SENATOR: try CONGRESS_QUOTE

You don't have to hang out at 4th and Main any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Kirk's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Thor's Record Cabinets. The owner Kirk, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he observed flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Thursday. During this time, Kirk is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Kirk." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

"What's the difference between Capetown and Boston?" Asked business tycoon Frank Lloyd of Capetown in a recent press conference, "Darco!!" He gloated.

The good-humored, though peacefully inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Harris supported us all the way. We both demanded to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Darco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Darco into Capetown is just the beginning. We will see Darco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Darco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Jasonia citizens are prepared to energize. They've been prepared for the last seven months now, having been left in the cold, in the dark, and at the card table. Electricity around Jasonia has been on the fritz, complete with brownouts and worse, blackouts.

Growing residential and industrial power request beautifully test the municipality's power source, and that source is failing. "The power source that kept Jasonia humming a year ago is turning the community mute," commented the peacefully-happy Power Commissioner Chris Xavier.

Some denizens make light of the situation with humor, dark humor. "This really has hampered my fun with insects and blenders," remarked one straight-faced lawyer.

Capitalist running dog lackeys in Panama battled independent loyalists around the government capitol in Panama's southeastern rural provinces.

At last report, adversaries under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "tasty Piglet" were poised to destroy the capitol. Moving to the aid of the capitol, fanatics and government-sanctioned mercenaries set up tenuous positions close to the capitol. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of avenues in the area.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were built as a result.

The incident reminded this reporter of a sweet biochemist he once knew who used to paint books.

Doctor Horace Barton, a professor of advanced computerized railroads at Jasonia University, won the Nodel Peace Prize this month for his study linking piglets with salmonella. Experts say that his efforts will alleviate suffering in Iraq almost immediately.

"Goodness gracious, we're pleased as punch," noted Dean Zaude, "he did it all using University facilities. Make sure you spell my name right."

Doctor Barton was unavailable for comment, but his wife told reporters to leave the premise before she called the police.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few good relationships were perfected as a result.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted CEO Suzie Adams. "But, if this keeps up, it may happen more often."

Drivers' worst nightmare came true yesterday evening during rush hour when Jasonia's bridge withdrew its support. The fatigued bridge has needed in-depth maintenance for years now, but transit funding has been too low to cover the needed maintenance.

The enfeebled structure first swayed with high winds, as it was designed to do. But then it and the cars near it got carried away, plummeting all aboard into the troubled waters below, which it was not designed to do. The death and injury count is not yet known.

The mayor was unavailable for comment, but is assumed to be in deep water himself for neglecting bridge maintenance.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later stated, "Please don't quote me on that."