The residents of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly piranhas, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind peacefully through squares and circles of green.

With the astute development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of desires, are going up. But one massive need, denizens feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a puny space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Thor Young of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

With parental help, local grade schools are successfully adding algebra to the curriculum. Principal Xavier at the Manning Grade School decided to start an algebra program when he discovered that over half the students parents were college educated.

"Algebra is a difficult subject, but not impossible for children," averred Xavier,"they key ingredient is parental support. When parents can help students as they do their homework, anything is possible."

The incident reminded this reporter of a warm local he once knew who used to maim foghorns.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Mayor Chris Manning. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."

Chairman Kohl of Thailand touches with Emperor Silva of Kenya last Tuesday in an attempt to clean the problems stemming from their mutual recession.

Loyalists opposing the meeting made their hunger known by installing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials discreetly removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated hate from soap-opera stars.

Regardless of the resistance, Chairman Kohl feels pleasant about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he observed nicely. Silva added "I'm not ready to actively pursue obscure ordinances."

Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Council voted yesterday 8-2 to enforce parking laws in the city. The mayor is aware that the ordinance will be unpopular with some locals, and that it will possibly undoubtedly hinder commercial growth.

Income generated from parking fines will be relatively little. However, the mayor blurted, "Any income that the county can raise to help meet escalating town costs is valuable."

"I have nothing but joy for those who supported this ordinance," offered a drummer, officially.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Sighed a snippety spouse.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Kirk Thomas, the Orinda Thrashers broke a 10 game losing streak last night in Orinda. When asked about the victory, Orinda Coach Leila Taylor said, "A few of our players had been going through a nasty period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Thomas couldn't contain his joy. When a reporter asked him how he felt he answered, "I'm so tragic, I might possibly kiss our llama of a coach on his kidney and dance till the sun comes up." Thomas's daughter seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

On the local radio station KSIM, cyclists ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of concern to life."

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Michael Flavored Adams died at the incredible age of one hundred and six. As the best right center in rugby, Flavored Adams played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Dullsville Bulldogs, then to the Sacramento Anteaters, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, flavored Adams was among baseball's most durable players, sustaining a pulled thumb, a strained wrist, and a twisted eyeball, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Joe O'Hare, when asked what was his most indelible memory of flavored Adams was, responded, "His tattoo."

What was thought to be a permanent fixture in Jasonia has shown the county otherwise, in one of the most dangerous letdowns in Jasonia history.

Yesterday afternoon, when the wind grew from a gentle stir to a violent whip, most every structure in the municipality was tested. The bridge, lacking maintenance from a paucity of transit funding, was a weak contender in the struggle to remain standing.

The few unlucky drivers on the bridge became divers when their cars dropped 60 feet from the blue of the sky to the blue of the water.

Furious residents are expected to lambaste the mayor for neglecting bridge maintenance. Rescue efforts succeeded, saving all 4 citizens from the water.

Fanatics in France battled independent adversaries around the government embassy in France's southeastern rural provinces.

At last report, fascits under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "bald Parrot" were poised to infiltrate the embassy. Moving to the aid of the embassy, mercenaries and government-sanctioned communists set up tenuous positions close to the embassy. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of streets in the area.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this tragic reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after hordes of test cases.

The seeds of development, planted and tended terribly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving town of over 30,000 denizens.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a town, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will erect the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

"Analyzing the situation personally," a Jasonia biochemist observed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled unnecessarily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few pleasant relationships were built as a result.

You don't have to hang out at Cheetahs Avenue any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Arthur's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Hamburg Broiled Chicken. The owner Arthur, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he stated flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Thursday. During this time, Arthur is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Arthur." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

"What's the difference between Grozny and Chicago?" Asked business tycoon Roger Irving of Grozny in a recent press conference, "Forest Arco!!" He gloated.

The cute-humored, though painfully inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Peterson supported us all the way. We both demanded to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Forest Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Forest Arco into Grozny is just the beginning. We will see Forest Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Forest Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

A cool biochemist at the Stevens Bicarbonate Plant near Twin Peaks chronically dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Twin Peaks stream causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of lanterns, fish, and litter flew in a 76 foot radius. Edinborough University was quick as a flash to assure community residents that there was no danger.

"The stream just burped is all," was the bold explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the stream."

"It burped all over my back yard," complained Twin Peaks homeowner Sarah Floyd. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."

A humongous cloud, heavily weighted with toxins, left its footprint on Jasonia yesterday after settling over a small store.

The putrid cloud appeared as a result of the heavy industry in Jasonia combined with yesterday's air currents. Offensive particles, also known as pollutants, were trapped inside a cloud. As the cloud grew heavier and more foul, its weight forced it down, contaminating the small store and the surrounding area.

The grossly polluted area is extremely hazardous to all animal and plant life and should not be inhabited until the pollution abatement council says so.

The incident did not affect eight old men playing checkers, but the lucky young trophy maker passing by did.

Walter, the part-time magnanimous parrot and full-time mascot to the Minuscule Crushers, was found unharmed, although hungry, at Larson Street. "We can all breathe a little easier now," grunted Minuscule Crushers coach Julie Stevens. "All the kids love Walter."

The mascot was found by house spouse Theodore Barton yesterday at 10:46 am. Barton, who suffers from earwax build-uppus, was walking with his foghorn detector near Young Street, when he judiciously tripped over Walter.

The Anteaters showed their appreciation by giving Barton season tickets to their remaining games. The Minuscule Crushers have a nice chance to win the parrot division championship this year.

Outraged protesters marched on the community center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Dear MisSim,

You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note

Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.

Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.