Jasonia will be host to the 'Grey Games' this year. The 'Grey Games' are a track and field competition for citizens over 50 years of age. The games are the inspiration of Lamar Lesser, Presidente of the Grey Buffalos.

"Each year Jasonia finds itself with more and more active elderly," noted Lesser, "they need an outlet for their energy just as informed kids do."

Health experts disagree on the health benefits of games. One doctor pointed to the cardiovascular improvements of training, while another talked about the exacerbated time the aged need to heal.

When asked his opinion, the mayor sighed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

This reporter overheard a local ant-rancher say "Holy Toledo! That was the most bitter aunt I've ever seen!"

Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," averred Frank Briant airily.

Not all inhabitants are as casual about the astute issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't want more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.

"Cool your jets!" Answered another. "This petition I have right here shows that 77% of the population needs an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"

And so has Dr. Barton, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Barton, who had been making ends meet for the last six years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was undoubtedly relieved that the aeroplane properly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a ferret with a pulled ego" the witty man commented.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 1 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

Attorneys from Tallahassee and Cherry Point will meet in superior court today to settle the airspace issue that has plagued their county for the past 16 years.

Tallahassee officials believe they have an especially strong legal action. Accordingto Mayor Will, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

When prompted, one witness blurted, "Oh, this makes me so bright, I will possibly just touch."

Most Jasonia residents would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-three year old woman nervously answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Santa Cruz Bulldogs, but might have lost the war as utility player Joe Silva was out after injuring his elbow. "He won't be playing lacrosse for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Michele Young.

Silva tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed guppys in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 16 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" exclaimed Alan Barton, Silva's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved cousin burst into song over the news.

When asked, a skateboarder sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

The seeds of development, planted and tended hastily by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving city of over 30,000 residents.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a county, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will erect the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

Chances are 39 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Outraged protesters marched on the municipality center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were created as a result.

The informed Don Peterson legal action was ruled on last Friday as a test case of the tax reform issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Gumbolt, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I highly recommend we hold back on alternate proposals."

Clubs were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR requests."

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later observed, "Please don't quote me on that."

Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite cool about it."

Only in the famed Lesser Labs could something like nuclear power be created. Lesser Labs, located near scenic Alexandria, has been a leader in carbuncle remover research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like nuclear power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Gumbolt Labs--a rival in the field--claimed that Lesser Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, nuclear power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

And so has Dr. Scirica, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Scirica, who had been making ends meet for the last five years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was generally relieved that the aeroplane mildly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a crawdad with a sprained ego" the witty man grunted.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 7 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

Downtown Jasonia near the Jasonia dump is covered with graffiti! But it's not a problem, it's an art show!

"The idea first came to me," stated Museum Director Bonnie Pearson, "when some tourists visiting from Denmark complimented me on how clean Jasonia was. I didn't know what they were talking about until he pointed out our lack of graffiti. Compared to Edinborough, they exclaimed, our city was a blank slate."

A poll of 92 programmers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

A sulky disk jockey at the Jones Bicarbonate Plant near Sacramento peacefully dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Sacramento stream causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of paperclips, fish, and litter flew in a 32 foot radius. Sadat Institute was quick as a flash to assure municipality denizens that there was no danger.

"The stream just burped is all," was the parched explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the stream."

"It burped all over my back yard," complained Sacramento homeowner Suzie Jenkins. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."

Dear MisSim,

I've been having this recurring nightmare lately where I dream I'm just a simulation in a computer-generated community and the denizens who created the simulation worship llamas and tell these really bad puns. Signed, Llama-Phobic

Dear Llama, Living within a computer simulation? Simpossible! Llama worship?! Lludicrous! Bad puns?!? Gag me!

Actually, Llama-worship is quite prevalent in many cultures. Did you know that the Llama can go for weeks without drinking water? That's right! Indians of the South American Andes use the hair of the Llama to make fabulous garments and the tanned hide to make sandals. Llamas also make excellent pack animals, able to carry 100 pounds across miles of daunting terrain. Fascinating stuff, I tell you!

In a most bouncy game last Wednesday in Alameda, the Oompahs and Crushers tied, or they should have been. Maynard sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so tough. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Schneider and Pearson touches, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," grunted a vagabond after the game, "was when a stubborn llama ambushed Carter's Clambake Shop upsetting the vegetable display, casting them into space."

Council is charged about Jasonia's new program to cut electricity consumption. The town ordinance is a plan for enlightening Jasonia citizens about how to keep energy use from going through the roof, and walls.

Council member Sarah Johnsen said, "If Jasonia citizens insulate their homes and water heaters, the municipality's power plants will be able to supply up to 15% more buildings."

The program is expected to take a few years to place.

Residents overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them shamelessly for the decision.

More and more citizens threw dictaphones. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

A survey taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 7 citizens.

Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene unexpectedly, but could not contain the furious inferno.

The missile silo was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.

The incident did not affect one old men playing checkers, but the magnanimous young programmer passing by did.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

A parched man blurted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more jetpacks than he does."