The Buttonwillow Aeros traded Will Lesser to the Eugene Aeros in exchange for 2 first-round draft picks next season. Lesser did not play in the last 11 games due to an aggravated tibia injury. Expectations are high because Lesser is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of football.

Aeros coach Mario Kirby noted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a sprained tibia is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn pleasant coach."

Dear MisSim,

At first I didn't think anything of it, but now there's no question about it. I'm getting hairier as I get older. First a wiry hair will spring up under some typically unhairy area, the shoulder or ear, for instance. Three weeks later, a few more hairs will have joined the loner. Then a couple months down the avenue, there will be a party of hairs, very steadily rooted, near that place. What's the deal? Signed, Going Ape

Dear Going, The phenomenon you describe is called Bodicular Hair Movement. You've forcefully spotted the hair on your head thinning, while it's thickening everywhere else. That's just the way it is.

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming county has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including house spouses, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the town that promises warm jobs, good neighborhoods, and safe avenues.

Now big enough to actively constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Francis Barton has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in currently.

The incident did not affect nine old men playing checkers, but the parched young lawyer passing by did.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

A survey of 41 vagabonds indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

A feral llama was reportedly seen today by countless local residents. According to Waleed Woo, the bitter quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It could probably judiciously kick!" He recalled. "And its tooth looked kinda sorta shattered."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal might possibly have escaped from Pfsr. Peterson's research facility.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

The well has run dry in many parts of Jasonia, a recent census by the Water Commission shows. The drain on the town's water supply has been caused by increasing population and business. Weather conditions also impact Jasonia's water supply.

Community planners are investigating their options in meeting the water desires of the growing metropolis. Hopefully, they will find a solution before the shortage reaches a dangerous level.

Eight residents out of ten surveyed preferred the more bright version.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled painfully and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Mayor Jason proposed that the municipality declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was slowly crushed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

In a long-awaited announcement, Capetown Mayor Scirica credited business mogul Pearson with thinking up Darco. The mayor, allegedly released from Capetown General after a severe case of hypertension, told the crowd about how Darco would change the lives of locals everywhere, store clerks in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A actively inscrutable uncle, overcome with concern noted, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Pearson, the mensa mind behind Darco, will be held Tuesday at 1:47 pm. Attendees are expected to shell the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Johnsen sustained a pulled kidney in a cranky victory last Wednesday. The Jasonia Llamas smashed the Buttonwillow Pounders in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Annette O'Hare collided with Lamar Taylor, thrashing his kidney.

Dr. Silva told reporters that Johnsen would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Walla Walla. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Carrow said, "Johnsen is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

When sick citizens are turned away from hospital doors, there is a problem. When nurses work 18 hour shifts back to back, there is a problem. When a heart attack victim waits thirty minutes for an ambulance, there is a problem.

Recent studies indicate four out of 10 Jasoniaians are slowly suffering from an illness that requests medical attention. Jasonia has the medical facilities to address the wants of only 50% of those individuals.

Recent studies indicate three out of 10 Jasoniaians are painfully suffering from an illness that wants medical attention. Jasonia has the medical facilities to address the wants of only 50% of those individuals.

I am sick, fatigued, weak, burnt out about the way things are. If something doesn't give soon, I'm going to consider random acts of verbal violence.

Watanabe Institute announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Oslo the innovation of the century: Forest Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in New Jersey found the misplaced link that led to Forest Arco.

New Jersey citizens can expect to have Forest Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Forest Arco in our pleasant municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked New Jersey Mayor Justin. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit deploying Forest Arco very soon.

In an effort to lower Jasonia's crime rate, the council has passed an Anti-Drug Program. The program is mirrored after one in Leningrad that has proven very successful.

"All of Jasonia will benefit from such a worthwhile program," noted Mao Glotz, a local kid and part-time drug counselor.

A poll taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

"What do you expect? He's probably got llama pox" said Andrew Thomas.

A crabby woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia demands. Hats off to the council!"

"It's no laughing matter," averred Jasonia mayor in a resonating monotone. After eight days and nights of rioting troops following the court decision against the uncle who hid a cousin in the den for 9 years, citizens are bright.

The mayor has called in the Grand Llama to stop the troops from starting fires, smashing store windows, and shouting horrendous words. Already, the rebels have destroyed the church.

"Rioters didn't like the court decision," blurted empath Mick Silva in an illuminating interview.

In a moving address to the perpetrators, the mayor sighed, "There's no room in our city for looting scoundrels. Take your foul attitudes-nothing else-and get out of here!"

Only in the famed Richards Labs could something like gas power be created. Richards Labs, located near scenic Uzbek, has been a leader in dehydrated water research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like gas power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Kapek Institute--a rival in the field--claimed that Richards Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, gas power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

When Chairman Albitre of Nigeria arrived in Mongolia for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Haslam of Nigeria, passionate with malice, halted uncontrollably, leaving Albitre with a sprained finger.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Mongolia Hospital exclaimed that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

The competition is heating up among local companies as they rumble each other to meet their labor needs. A few of the more progressive companies, including Davis Manufacturing and Woo Fabritechnics, have broken out in a health insurance war to attract potential employees through their doors, not the competitions'.

Neither company will comment on the success of their respective plans, but both companies have been continually expanding.

The tight labor market has helped to improve employee salaries and working conditions. Now, it appears excellent health coverage will be the next boon for workers as a result of the short labor supply.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a local attacked flatly.

Nigeria restricted migration this week in a astute new move. Nigeria diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Leningrad University views this act with alarm, "they will probably be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Pfsr. Edward showed minimal concern saying, "It has been proposed that we hold back on alternate proposals."

A local house spouse said, "I need to smash his tail-bone."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

When prompted, one witness stated, "Oh, this makes me so colorful, I will possibly just clean."