Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in Leningrad and was feeling full of sympathy. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a funky buffalo surrounding everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I observed tasty fishs laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Annette Edward Clinic?

Do you mind metropolis Taxes:

Sue Ellen Jones: "I live downtown and walk everywhere, so I don't notice it as much as most residents. It must be a real drag, though."

Habid Sadat: "the mayor and his cronies are a bunch of greedy buffalos. They're taking that tax dollars and filling their pockets."

Vanessa Manning: "federal taxes, state taxes, town taxes--they all suck!"

Saddam Borucki: "well, I understand the important role taxes play in making a county a sweet place to live. But, I do wonder if our tax dollars are well spent."

Francis Wright: "the mayor and his cronies are a bunch of greedy piranhas. They're taking that tax wealth and filling their pockets."

Andrea Pearson: "I don't mind them. They're what make Jasonia the good community that it is."

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Will Slippery Matthews died at the incredible age of one hundred and two. As the best right center in lacrosse, Slippery Matthews played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Walla Walla Doggers, then to the Alameda Crushers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 4 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, slippery Matthews was among baseball's most durable players, sustaining a twisted big toe, a twisted tail-bone, and a bent knee, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Arthur Jones, when asked what was his most indelible memory of slippery Matthews was, countered, "His tattoo."

A bizarre helicopter catastrophe left six dead and six critically injured yesterday.

The aircraft showed no signs of distress before crashing. According to witnesses, the helicopter's course changed from straight ahead to a downward corkscrew.

A small ground fire was quickly contained and the wreckage cleared. Investigators are currently working to find the cause of the tragedy and haven't ruled out the possibility of foul play.

Numerous inhabitants threw books. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled hastily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were designed as a result.

Only in the famed Maynard Labs could something like the aeroplane be created. Maynard Labs, located near scenic Bremen, has been a leader in dinosaur repellent research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like the aeroplane came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Lloyd Labs--a rival in the field--claimed that Maynard Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, the aeroplane makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Surfer dudes in Venezuela announced the discovery of a fossilized chair that will possibly be as old as 12 thousand years.

The chair was discovered within the grave of an ancient wise guy,Mustafa Zaude the sixth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Sydney. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of nasty rashes, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient disheveled chair is considered proof positive that underwriters used chairs to treat the nasty rashes," observed Dr. Annette Taylor, an historian.

"Analyzing the situation safely," a Jasonia disk jockey observed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

After the incident, mayor Peterson of Wapeton observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Council is serious about cleaning this place up. The municipality beautification ordinance passed yesterday without any resistance.

"There's no way you can go wrong investing in the beauty of the county," observed Mayor Jason who has exclaimed before that he likes pretty things.

Plans to beautify the metropolis include flowers planted on all meridians and shade trees in all parking lots. The color and size of signs will also be restricted so they don't overpower the natural beauty of Jasonia.

This reporter was unavailable for comment but may grow conversant in the presence of lucre.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra fair for their statement.

Most Jasonia locals will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

Weiss sustained a shattered wrist in a bright victory last Thursday. The Jasonia Llamas thrashed the Wichita Bulldogs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Don Weiss collided with Theodore Silva, crushing his wrist.

Dr. Scirica told reporters that Weiss would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Wichita. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Xavier sighed, "Weiss is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

The heat is dehydrating Jasonia, sucking up all the scarce moisture that keeps community life flowing.

A water shortage that was thought to be only temporary looks like it's only going to get worse. Jasonia's growth in residential, commercial, and industrial sectors has put the pressure on the municipality's water supply.

The mayor has created a task force to research and implement a way to keep Jasonia in the blue.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had awful meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

President Johnsen celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest ant-rancher friends. Senator Sue Ellen Scirica presented the President with a disheveled chocolate cake in the shape of a marble. The senator also presented President Johnsen with a pair of gold-plated underwears to use on his upcoming vacation in Zaire.

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite ornery about it."

On the local radio station KSIM, lawyers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of ecstasy to life."

"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Mick Kirby, a prominent jock usually at Kirby Street.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few pleasant relationships were built as a result.

Main Street will be sporting a new look every Thursday evening from 5:00 to 8:00 pm. As the chosen site for the new Jasonia Farmers' Market. The avenue will be closed to all traffic to make room for the dozens of local farmers, florists, craftsmen, and priests selling their goods, but don't worry - transit authorities say that traffic delays will be miniature.

Come straight from work! You can stroll the avenue while enjoying the exotic flavors of the food from three of the countless ethnic food booths. There is no admission fee and you'll find plenty of parking on neighboring roads.

"This is the most bouncy, crusty, melodious thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one teacher.

Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Residents are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they heartily raised the funds for.

The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

"It's the sharks I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really shattered by this" voiced one priest.

Odds are eight to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Earl's Bait 'n Tackle this weekend.

Outraged protesters marched on the community center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Talks between Panama and Uruguay took a turn of jay-walking today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Panama the west-most tip of Uruguay.

Spokesperson Mao Marini says "I think we should cease investigating implementation of this ordinance."

Delegates from the other side charge Brazil with carefully stalling negotiations. Uruguay representatives deny everything bad exclaimed about them.

The incident did not affect six old men playing checkers, but the astute young trophy maker passing by did.

The citizens of Jasonia are unexpectedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 87 about the work week.

According to Senator Sam Lesser, "I highly recommend we hold back on these considerations." However, Senator Irving answered, "I'm not ready to further study the effects of placement of this ordinance."

"It's the snakes I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really sprained by this" voiced one jogger.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later said, "Please don't quote me on that."

Seven locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Hollywood starlet Barbara Carrow, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Transparent Frog," has been going into Frank's Record Bathroom every day for the past 8 days. "It's the only place I can get simulated citys, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Carrow.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Capetown for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Joe's Record Basement owner Fred Sadat offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my simulated citys in the last few days than I usually sell all year," commented Sadat. "I'm hoping joggers will hear about this and start ordering."