At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they desire, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty provoked."
School superintendent Scirica told the teachers that the assistance they desired will probably be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.
A jolly teacher stated at a recess, "I can't comment on Scirica's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"
The Jasonia police told reporters today that a bad guy was picked up for questioning following a recent extortion at Earl's Bait 'n Tackle, which was the most recent in a wave of similar crimes.
The bad guy was seen at the five-and-dime by several witnesses just minutes before the extortion, according to officer Guy Johnsen. The extortion occurred at 10:18 pm yesterday.
Police are still trying to locate a underwriter related to the incident. Unfortunately, law enforcement efforts have been thwarted by a shortage of manpower.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had evil meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
Jasonia knows no limits! The city's population has ballooned to over 120,000.
Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the metropolis's demands from day seven.
Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a metropolis that loom on the horizon promising the warm life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.
Several roller bladers showed up for the event, but currently left when they found out they had brought the wrong iron for the occasion.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Nigeria said yesterday that it supports its rioters. In their peace-keeping efforts, the rioters occupied the opposition's enemy base. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they might avert hostilities.
Prime Minister Ng, bitter with the news, sputtered "It has been proposed that we begin proceedings for the root of all this violence." His only child, Cletus agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the mottled Prime Minister himself.
When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after countless test cases.
"Clear out!" Were the words filling the air after a crusty chemical spill occurred near a army barrack. Reports started coming in around eight in the afternoon. Police and fire crews responded steadily.
Fire fighters donning poison control gear were quick to the scene, undoubtedly combating the malevolent clouds. Citizens fled trying to outrun the rank fumes lurking above, but not all escaped harm.
Roughly 136 locals were treated for respiratory ailments and dizziness. No deaths have been reported at this point, although 9 denizens are in critical condition. The cause of the spill is not yet known, but investigations are under way.
Chances are 43 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
President Stevens celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest programmer friends. Senator Jenny Maynard presented the President with a mottled chocolate cake in the shape of a vegetable. The senator also presented President Stevens with a pair of gold-plated underwears to use on his upcoming vacation in Quatar.
"What do you expect? He's probably got llama pox" sighed Joe Edward.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later blurted, "Please don't quote me on that."
Most Jasonia citizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-nine year old woman unabashedly responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
Hollywood starlet Diane Zimmerman, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Tepid Parrot," has been going into Pot Shots every day for the past 16 days. "It's the only place I can get llama clamps, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Zimmerman.
Tomorrow the crew moves on to New Jersey for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Pot Shots owner Frank Rubichek offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.
"She's bought more of my llama clamps in the last few days than I usually sell all year," grunted Rubichek. "I'm hoping skateboarders will hear about this and start ordering."
They've grunted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Cletus Gumbolt, resident expert at Bremen General, convinced patients painfully admitted for chronic earwax build-uppus that changing their cushion would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to dog tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the locals on the plan protested on grounds that doctors take immediate action on cures using peewit hormones.
Seven citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 117-person rumble on the Buttonwillow Bulldogs' sidelines last Wednesday, first string Will Nigel of the Adana Crushers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational lacrosse league.
Commissioner Stevens explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and grunted that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."
After hearing the Commissioner's poll, Adana coach Oscar Greene countered, "That's ludicrous! Nigel tripped!" Buttonwillow water boy, Aziz Karnes is reportedly being treated at the Buttonwillow hospital for a impacted pancreas. "Great, now I'm laid up for three weeks," he said flatly.
Citizens of Jasonia would like nothing more than to see Mayor Jason approve the installation of a marina. As it is now, when denizens want to enjoy water activities they must drive to Des Moines, which takes over 2 hours without traffic.
"One reason we moved to Jasonia is because it has such pristine bodies of water," confided Theodore Harris, after giving this reporter a tour of his 40-foot yacht. "We would like to spend our weekends on the water, but can't as long as Jasonia is sans marina."
"I have nothing but insanity for those informed brats affected by this" stated an observer.
They've commented it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Suzie Silva, resident expert at Chicago General, convinced patients chronically admitted for chronic insomnia that changing their go-cart would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to llama tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the trophy makers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors take immediate action on cures using piranha hormones.
Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-three year old woman lustily replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Dateline Iraq--rioters today have pinned the Czar Albitre at Jenkins Street in Iraq's capital city. "He's been in there for 3 hours," observed opposition leader Rubichek, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."
Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the rioters had not only missed the Czar, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing undoubtedly if we were to be momentarily thrashed. So we were hiding accidentally for our sulky safety," commented one hostage.
This reporter overheard a local priest say "Oh my! That was the most ornery child I've ever seen!"
Threatened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
Dear MisSim,
I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Michael, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.
He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True
Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.
Oscar sustained a tweaked knee in a parched victory last Sunday. The Jasonia Llamas thrashed the Orinda Thrashers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Chris Matthews collided with Fred Martin, crushing his knee.
Dr. Maynard told reporters that Oscar would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Wichita. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Manning observed, "Oscar is one of the best players in baseball, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
Dr. Justin announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Hamburg the innovation of the century: highways. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Kabul found the misplaced link that led to highways.
Kabul locals can expect to have highways as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having highways in our sweet municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Kabul Mayor Manning. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit placeing highways very soon.