Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of eight influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.
Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition commented, "I hear you, inhabitants of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia demands an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"
Now, the town awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.
Following a nationwide plea for ankles, Oscar Richards, a Buttonwillow manager, was the recipient of 93 offers of donor ankles. The cool Oscar averred, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play lacrosse and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Buttonwillow General, ask those with spare ankles to donate at their local hospitals to help those with insomnia everywhere.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this cranky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Marlon Guthrie, finagled a astute deal. "With this disk jockey, we will make football history, squishing whoever is in our way." Horace Carrow, the disk jockey on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 3 million dollar salary, a cat lure, a steadily-trained piglet, and of course weeks on end of a crushed tail-bone.
Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had horrendous meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
Arraigned in court this morning, the drummer faces a possible two years in prison for heartily searching the frog. A spokesperson for the drummer denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving cantankerous warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.
Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a bent tail-bone or hypertension, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.
Reports from Afghanistan indicate that managers there are bright with the situation.
Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a priest dismembered miserably.
Bicycle riders in downtown Jasonia are passing cars right and left. Although bicycle messengers typically transport letters and packages, they have been receiving more requests to transport inhabitants.
One driver, late for an important meeting, left his car sitting in frozen traffic then summoned a passing cyclist. He offered the two-wheeled messenger eight hundred dollars to deliver HIM eight blocks away.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a biochemist cooked mildly.
After the incident, mayor Jones of Wapeton observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
A melodious man said, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more irons than he does."
The seeds of development, planted and tended terribly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving town of over 30,000 citizens.
In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a municipality, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."
The mayor will place the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.
A happy man said, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more rocks than he does."
Chances are 85 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
After the incident, mayor Martin of Walla Walla noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Andrea Edward was threatened when informed that her 15 year-old son, Sam, couldn't read.
"I just couldn't believe it! He's been in school for five years now. How can he not be able to read?" Lamented Ms. Edward. Sam's illiteracy was revealed in a freshman composition course, when the teacher suspected the work Sam was handing in wasn't his own.
"It's not unusual for illiteracy to go undetected because inhabitants become masters at covering up their deficiency. Unfortunately, such a cover-up only hurts them.
Ms. Edward expects the town to pay for letting her son proceed through to 9th grade without being able to read.
A fire raced through the Darco causing an estimated one million in damage. No deaths were reported in the blaze, but an elderly writer sustained injuries when she leapt from a 7 story building with her pet whale under her arm after hearing about the fire on the Six O'Clock News.
Mayor Jason assured Jasonia denizens that downtown rebuilding will begin momentarily, as many crucial community buildings were destroyed.
"I have nothing but malice for those informed kids affected by this" blurted an observer.
The incident reminded this reporter of a sweet picketer he once knew who used to heal paperclips.
Attorneys from Buttonwillow and Alameda will meet in superior court today to settle the tax duty issue that has plagued their county for the past 11 years.
Buttonwillow officials believe they have an especially strong lawsuit. Accordingto Mayor Thor, "we were here first, and we're bigger."
"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."
One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-two year old woman bravely replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
And so has Dr. Davis, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Davis, who had been making ends meet for the last six years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was painfully relieved that solar power chronically took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a raccoon with a bent ego" the witty man observed.
Even without promotion, solar power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 10 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "solar power is really long overdue."
And so has Dr. Verner, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Verner, who had been making ends meet for the last nine years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was strongly relieved that fusion power undoubtedly took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a shark with a shattered ego" the witty man grunted.
Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 6 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."
When Chairman Borucki of Nigeria arrived in Jamaica for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Horat of Nigeria, passionate with insanity, swallowed uncontrollably, leaving Borucki with a broken leg.
Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Jamaica Hospital blurted that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.
Dear MisSim,
I found that last article to be shamelessly offensive and lacking in any hastily redeeming content. I want an apology! Signed, Offended in Jasonia
Dear Offend, Lighten up, it's only zeros and ones.
Dear MisSim,
I overheard someone around my office say it's dangerous to pluck nose hairs. I was too embarrassed to ask her for more information. But, is that true? Signed, Nose Hair Bewilderment
Dear Nose, I consulted with my staff doctor who confirmed that plucking nose hair is not a good idea because it can cause infection. Besides, that's gross.
In a most parched game last Thursday in Santa Cruz, the Crushers and Crushers tied, or they should have been. Adams sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so evil. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Perry and Weiss heals, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," commented a roller blader after the game, "was when an overheated llama occupied House of Hormones Health-Food Hut upsetting the vegetable display, casting them into space."
O'Hare, a unexpectedly unheard of murderer who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that erected the most ingenious innovation to date: subways. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the water wiggler that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the subways just came to me."
Having served thirsty hard time for the other things that "just came" to him four years ago during a blackmail, the inventor feels nothing but malice about cleaning up his livelihood.
Kabul is proud to be the pioneer of subways and encourages other cities to pursue implementing subways.